HOW TO BECOME A DUDE

I have this friend of mine who is always asking questions that he knows I cant answer.The kind of people who ask you the name of your girl yet he knows the closest uu have come to have a gal friend was during those days when u used to play cha baba na mama.and that is only if you were privileged to play baba.This is the kind of guy I let him live coz its illegal to shoot him.
Any way that’s neither here nor there, but I have been thinking about this question ‘wot does it take to become a dude (kafete dude).
Not that I like or hate the dudes but may be I have some scores to settle with pple who think that wasting a Wednesday night shouting to some music called rock is an inthing’i.The type who will criticize you or maybe admire you for taking alcohol in the form of cheap spirits yet they take beer and some feminine liquor called sambuca…..you just wonder wots important is it the means or the end. I mean at the end of it all both of us will be drunk and of course a piece of our liver wil be frothy( God help us)

If you want to become a dude and you like chamchom think again.Not that u stop eating chamchom but how u eat it. I mean do u go ahead and itisha ugali ya 10 bob or do u accompany it with machipo.Dudueism cals for chamchom to be accompanied by machipo…..looks simple but remember no fighting with a bone as u eat your nyamchop lest leave fellow dudes wondering wot do dogs in your home eat (auch)..but u can always retort and say ‘our dogs eat chips and occasionally go for icecream or may be a pizza (pitza)’
But that may lead u to be either branded a PUNK OR PUNKET depending on your sex, or may be FOOOOL.
If u r the shy type u might also not make it its gud u have a chips(chic) ambaye ako uuj who u can siso any time.
But be careful coz some dudes have perfected the art of waiting for others to ‘kuchemsha maji’ then they take over.
And lastly my friends if u cant read this then forget it coz this is the simplest form of dudes language.