The problem with pple like me is we/i tend to criticize soo many things yet i cant do any beta. like am always cursing why i dont have a ka project yet i spend most of my time either criticizing potential projects or doing things that dnt do any good to my marketability, dont start getting ideas coz i believe some of those activities are a way of life to me....and thats why i dnt consider my deep luv for frotha as a bad thing'i .
some time i jst look at my self and cant stop laughing at myself.as in, here i am ,so single and the future looking like it wil not be so different.They say a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step but pple like me who would rather sleep and dream of waking up after the a thousand miles dnt subscribe to that thought.
There are those things that i dnt like doing yet i expect results.Things like walking up to that skirt wearer whose looks give me an effect similar to that one of 6 cold ones. may be that part aint so hard ,but when it comes to impressing upon her and telling her things to the effect that although i may not be so good looking, that looks sometimes lie and that what matters is wots inside. the prospect of being told 'kbc usijitetee saaana am here for u' are so remote , is like the prospect of kibaki saying 'raila tosha'
the good thing with me is that when ever i visit a watering whole i get to meet so many others like me that i find solace and to make matters sweeter even some skirt wearers.
The good thing with watering holes especially after a few 1,2 is that suddenly u seem cute to every one and every one in turn looks cute to u and the only pick up line u wil use is one
"MALIZA TWENDE"
Friday, 29 February 2008
Monday, 25 February 2008
why i am very afraid
Days are moving so fast nowadays..i mean jst the other day i was 17 yrs, today am almost 22.am worried coz i dnt wonna get old.....i dnt want to imagine myself being 70 in the nxt few yrs.my real fear is that at 70 may be i will soo rich yet money wunt help me have any fun i wish for now.most likely my liver will be a baggage to me, my sight wil hav long gone hence all those beatiful women i wil not be able to sorora then and most likely by that time walking naked wil be the 'inthing'.
And i also think that most likely even if some gal wil show any interest in me...it might b hard to give her a 'standing ovation'.for sure am realy afraid.
am also imagining that in the nxt 5-10 yrs i wil be married.then i wonder to whom and how and why.
to me marriage is a war...where u sleep with the enemy. i mean society wants me to adjust my lifestyle by accommodating another human being in my life (literally)for reasons i cant understand.i start sharing my life with some other human being ati coz i need to leave descendants . to me some things can be done without necessarily sharing my good life with some1 else.
of course things like sharing of bed aint that bad an idea but it can/its being done even without marriage.
i hope i done age soo quickly and if i do i hope to outlive my fear and if i marry i get one of those pple who does nt care wot time i get home nor wot i was i was doing getting late.
but one thing am sure of is that woteva i wish for or want will not happen....and thats why am VERY AFRAID!!!!!
And i also think that most likely even if some gal wil show any interest in me...it might b hard to give her a 'standing ovation'.for sure am realy afraid.
am also imagining that in the nxt 5-10 yrs i wil be married.then i wonder to whom and how and why.
to me marriage is a war...where u sleep with the enemy. i mean society wants me to adjust my lifestyle by accommodating another human being in my life (literally)for reasons i cant understand.i start sharing my life with some other human being ati coz i need to leave descendants . to me some things can be done without necessarily sharing my good life with some1 else.
of course things like sharing of bed aint that bad an idea but it can/its being done even without marriage.
i hope i done age soo quickly and if i do i hope to outlive my fear and if i marry i get one of those pple who does nt care wot time i get home nor wot i was i was doing getting late.
but one thing am sure of is that woteva i wish for or want will not happen....and thats why am VERY AFRAID!!!!!
Monday, 18 February 2008
my valentine
i dnt really like talking about some things/ events especially if they evoke my feelings which r rare in nature.
take for example take 4 example valentines day..wot do pple like me who are single, (not by choice) have to do with it?but the period i like most is the pre and post valentine period. coz thats the time i hav tell soo many beautiful and sometimes believable lies , the gud thing is that most pple reciprocate.i remember a certain woman friend of mine telling ati how some sh** wud go down on the material night...yet i can bet that the closest that women has eva come to going down is may be during those days of cha baba na mama.
but i like listening to such lies coz they enrich my stock for next year.
but this valentine 4 me was different. i decided to do wot most women do when they say they r going out 4 a date: in simple terms i decided to treat my self, the best way i know.so i leave jobo in a hurry hoping that some one wil notice and head straight to my local.the good thing with my local is that it has some name that can be termed romantic.its called mexican bar, there is nothing really romantic about it apart from the fact that there are a few hooker who lack the front teeth. ( i guess even in that forbidden trade there r veterans).
since ati am supposed to be in red yet i dont really own any thing read....apart my primary school socks...i decide to treat my self with something that has some red.
in short i order a PILSNER ,u kno it has some red wording!
basically my valentine ends there coz the next time i look at my watch its 11 and only some 6 mischievous eyes r looking at me but am not interested........4 me my valentine is over and i enjoyed it coz it was all WET!!!!
Am waiting 4 ur LIES!!!
take for example take 4 example valentines day..wot do pple like me who are single, (not by choice) have to do with it?but the period i like most is the pre and post valentine period. coz thats the time i hav tell soo many beautiful and sometimes believable lies , the gud thing is that most pple reciprocate.i remember a certain woman friend of mine telling ati how some sh** wud go down on the material night...yet i can bet that the closest that women has eva come to going down is may be during those days of cha baba na mama.
but i like listening to such lies coz they enrich my stock for next year.
but this valentine 4 me was different. i decided to do wot most women do when they say they r going out 4 a date: in simple terms i decided to treat my self, the best way i know.so i leave jobo in a hurry hoping that some one wil notice and head straight to my local.the good thing with my local is that it has some name that can be termed romantic.its called mexican bar, there is nothing really romantic about it apart from the fact that there are a few hooker who lack the front teeth. ( i guess even in that forbidden trade there r veterans).
since ati am supposed to be in red yet i dont really own any thing read....apart my primary school socks...i decide to treat my self with something that has some red.
in short i order a PILSNER ,u kno it has some red wording!
basically my valentine ends there coz the next time i look at my watch its 11 and only some 6 mischievous eyes r looking at me but am not interested........4 me my valentine is over and i enjoyed it coz it was all WET!!!!
Am waiting 4 ur LIES!!!
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
dont read this..its a foward
Hearts and roses and kisses galore,
What the hell is all of that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer,
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass!
I'll spend the day so drunk that I just can't speak,
And wear only black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but it soon will fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a big crock of shit!
So here is my story, what else can I say?
Love bites my ass... Fuck Valentine's Day!
What the hell is all of that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer,
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass!
I'll spend the day so drunk that I just can't speak,
And wear only black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but it soon will fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a big crock of shit!
So here is my story, what else can I say?
Love bites my ass... Fuck Valentine's Day!
Thursday, 7 February 2008
wot about valentine
Some time i wish those old days of boyhood wud still exist. i mean those days when u had no stress at all.those days when feb 14th meant nothing. may be vals is good but those days we were not stressed into thinking may be your date might not show up or may be you are the only one who has no one to take out. may be those days when i were about 7 or 8 yrs whot mattered may be was how competitions i won of who urinated furthest.
Those days were good coz gals were not looked on on only specific parts of their anatomy.....i guess thats why we call them the good old days.
So wots the big deal with all this valentine thing.does it mean that if you dnt share areal good time with our partner on this day mean that you r out of touch or you r not serious.I have Neva heard someone being tauted as a lesser Christian if he failed to go to church on Christmas day!
Trust the pple of this world , they will come with all excuses of doing any thing or doing anything.we all kno vals is a day of lovers so i dnt why some gals who claim to be straight will be heard to say that they wil spend the day with their galfriends yet they claim hav boyfriends.sometimes its good to be honest with ones self......ie if nobody sees no worth taking you out go home and hope that may be nxt yr some 1 will have noticed that you have may be a nice behind or a good cleavage worth looking at on 14th night.
otherwise you can do wot men do: treat your mouth to some kissing by enjoying some unlimited cold ones
Enjoy ur Vals day all !!!!!
Those days were good coz gals were not looked on on only specific parts of their anatomy.....i guess thats why we call them the good old days.
So wots the big deal with all this valentine thing.does it mean that if you dnt share areal good time with our partner on this day mean that you r out of touch or you r not serious.I have Neva heard someone being tauted as a lesser Christian if he failed to go to church on Christmas day!
Trust the pple of this world , they will come with all excuses of doing any thing or doing anything.we all kno vals is a day of lovers so i dnt why some gals who claim to be straight will be heard to say that they wil spend the day with their galfriends yet they claim hav boyfriends.sometimes its good to be honest with ones self......ie if nobody sees no worth taking you out go home and hope that may be nxt yr some 1 will have noticed that you have may be a nice behind or a good cleavage worth looking at on 14th night.
otherwise you can do wot men do: treat your mouth to some kissing by enjoying some unlimited cold ones
Enjoy ur Vals day all !!!!!
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
HOW TO BECOME A DUDE
I have this friend of mine who is always asking questions that he knows I cant answer.The kind of people who ask you the name of your girl yet he knows the closest uu have come to have a gal friend was during those days when u used to play cha baba na mama.and that is only if you were privileged to play baba.This is the kind of guy I let him live coz its illegal to shoot him.
Any way that’s neither here nor there, but I have been thinking about this question ‘wot does it take to become a dude (kafete dude).
Not that I like or hate the dudes but may be I have some scores to settle with pple who think that wasting a Wednesday night shouting to some music called rock is an inthing’i.The type who will criticize you or maybe admire you for taking alcohol in the form of cheap spirits yet they take beer and some feminine liquor called sambuca…..you just wonder wots important is it the means or the end. I mean at the end of it all both of us will be drunk and of course a piece of our liver wil be frothy( God help us)
If you want to become a dude and you like chamchom think again.Not that u stop eating chamchom but how u eat it. I mean do u go ahead and itisha ugali ya 10 bob or do u accompany it with machipo.Dudueism cals for chamchom to be accompanied by machipo…..looks simple but remember no fighting with a bone as u eat your nyamchop lest leave fellow dudes wondering wot do dogs in your home eat (auch)..but u can always retort and say ‘our dogs eat chips and occasionally go for icecream or may be a pizza (pitza)’
But that may lead u to be either branded a PUNK OR PUNKET depending on your sex, or may be FOOOOL.
If u r the shy type u might also not make it its gud u have a chips(chic) ambaye ako uuj who u can siso any time.
But be careful coz some dudes have perfected the art of waiting for others to ‘kuchemsha maji’ then they take over.
And lastly my friends if u cant read this then forget it coz this is the simplest form of dudes language.
Any way that’s neither here nor there, but I have been thinking about this question ‘wot does it take to become a dude (kafete dude).
Not that I like or hate the dudes but may be I have some scores to settle with pple who think that wasting a Wednesday night shouting to some music called rock is an inthing’i.The type who will criticize you or maybe admire you for taking alcohol in the form of cheap spirits yet they take beer and some feminine liquor called sambuca…..you just wonder wots important is it the means or the end. I mean at the end of it all both of us will be drunk and of course a piece of our liver wil be frothy( God help us)
If you want to become a dude and you like chamchom think again.Not that u stop eating chamchom but how u eat it. I mean do u go ahead and itisha ugali ya 10 bob or do u accompany it with machipo.Dudueism cals for chamchom to be accompanied by machipo…..looks simple but remember no fighting with a bone as u eat your nyamchop lest leave fellow dudes wondering wot do dogs in your home eat (auch)..but u can always retort and say ‘our dogs eat chips and occasionally go for icecream or may be a pizza (pitza)’
But that may lead u to be either branded a PUNK OR PUNKET depending on your sex, or may be FOOOOL.
If u r the shy type u might also not make it its gud u have a chips(chic) ambaye ako uuj who u can siso any time.
But be careful coz some dudes have perfected the art of waiting for others to ‘kuchemsha maji’ then they take over.
And lastly my friends if u cant read this then forget it coz this is the simplest form of dudes language.
Valentines night prayer
Oh Mary mother of JC who did conceive without sinning, may u pray for us this night that we may sin without conceiving!!
AMEN
AMEN
Monday, 4 February 2008
MY CHURCH
My church is no ordinary church and when i say church ,just forget about the bible and what goes on in the real church. mine is neither related to the one you know, its only similar in rituals. i have been a member since 2002,but lately i have become a pastor and am looking foward to the post of reverend (somebodyy say AMEN)i need not to wait till sunday to attend my mass but so long as i have some offertory in my pocket and a chapel is near by, my sabbath day has come.
sometimes my sabbath day can last a whole week, thats when i want maximum blessings and i have lots of money to offer to my devotion. my best worship day though is furahi day jioni, actually when i miss friday evening mass i make sure i go for a kesha the following saturday, which means visiting various churches the whole night for maximum utility (blessings)
During the busy weekdays i usually hold bible study meetings with my fellow christians where after afew one,two, we have a group sermon where every body whohas been touched by the word shares from their heart.at this time the blessings are so much that the most embarrassing experiences are shared, i call it kufungua roho.
some times it can get ugly/beautiful depending on your level of being touched (by the gospel) when some of the members of the congregation try to outdo each other in kufungua roho. at this time it occurs to me (the pastor) that i have to intervene by leading a hymn which goes like this
eva since i came to know thy gospel
my life has changed, coz i no longer attend
morning clsses coz the spirit of the gospel has not left me
i have stopped saving inorder to give to god
what belongs to him, but of all things i am happy
coz soon my liver is going to snap and live happily eva after
As has happened since time immerial, devoteesof the gospel have been persecuted world over. Remember apul (of the real gospel)i have been persecuted and even stigmatized, but i know am just here on earth for a short time, my joys is in heaven. iwill not be slowed down by any threats coz as the gospel says many wil be called but only a few will be picked.
Miracles do happen in my church. after all the gospel is kinda real.i remember this christmas in 2004, when i lead my congregation to a 3 day mission in my rural area , we were xperiencing a budget deficit, but after the first day and night of heavy prayers we were able to secure enough funding such thst our mission extended to new year.
i can share a lot about my gospel but as we always say in my church the fewer the congregation the better coz we enjoy more gospel without the fear of it ending b4 we get possed.
today am happy that more pple are being touched by the gospel, more so after the lowering of the offertory requirement an most premium gospel.i can only call upon non believers to come and taste the gospel coz as they say the sweetness of the pudding is in the eating and happy are those who sit on pins coz they shall surely arise and proclaim.
sometimes my sabbath day can last a whole week, thats when i want maximum blessings and i have lots of money to offer to my devotion. my best worship day though is furahi day jioni, actually when i miss friday evening mass i make sure i go for a kesha the following saturday, which means visiting various churches the whole night for maximum utility (blessings)
During the busy weekdays i usually hold bible study meetings with my fellow christians where after afew one,two, we have a group sermon where every body whohas been touched by the word shares from their heart.at this time the blessings are so much that the most embarrassing experiences are shared, i call it kufungua roho.
some times it can get ugly/beautiful depending on your level of being touched (by the gospel) when some of the members of the congregation try to outdo each other in kufungua roho. at this time it occurs to me (the pastor) that i have to intervene by leading a hymn which goes like this
eva since i came to know thy gospel
my life has changed, coz i no longer attend
morning clsses coz the spirit of the gospel has not left me
i have stopped saving inorder to give to god
what belongs to him, but of all things i am happy
coz soon my liver is going to snap and live happily eva after
As has happened since time immerial, devoteesof the gospel have been persecuted world over. Remember apul (of the real gospel)i have been persecuted and even stigmatized, but i know am just here on earth for a short time, my joys is in heaven. iwill not be slowed down by any threats coz as the gospel says many wil be called but only a few will be picked.
Miracles do happen in my church. after all the gospel is kinda real.i remember this christmas in 2004, when i lead my congregation to a 3 day mission in my rural area , we were xperiencing a budget deficit, but after the first day and night of heavy prayers we were able to secure enough funding such thst our mission extended to new year.
i can share a lot about my gospel but as we always say in my church the fewer the congregation the better coz we enjoy more gospel without the fear of it ending b4 we get possed.
today am happy that more pple are being touched by the gospel, more so after the lowering of the offertory requirement an most premium gospel.i can only call upon non believers to come and taste the gospel coz as they say the sweetness of the pudding is in the eating and happy are those who sit on pins coz they shall surely arise and proclaim.
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